self, assemble

by Rainstick Cowbell

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about

2nd full length album.

credits

released October 1, 2010

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about

Rainstick Cowbell Portland, Oregon

“Rainstick Cowbell makes searing music that’s intensely personal…[from] intense, clear-eyed rants to unhinged exorcisms. It’s exhilarating to hear music this raw.”
—Portland Mercury

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Track Name: step, elephant
appear the elephant
she lumbers in the room
with the eyes crossed cocktails
no, it’s not good
some things they linger
leave a residue
and I’m not innocent or ignorant
of all that we do here
instead I cry, don’t throw me out
don’t put me out
conflict, pressure
family blown to pieces
“you’re freaking out”
and now the elephant
demanding a refute
the speech is slurred and seething
no, it’s not cool
ashamed and silent
as I leave the laundry room
and I’m not innocent or ignorant
of all that we do here—PORN!
“you’re freaking everyone out”
I go you stay won’t you?
I low, you Hey! won’t you?
piles on the carpet
mothers pack them in
piles on the carpet
I don’t have a car
piles on the carpet
Track Name: Confessions of a Music Eater
progress
taking it ease the pain
pale light
follow
faultless
taking it ease the pain
bright lights
engines
no matter how far it goes
the plunger falls and I am cold
cry out, despair, frustrated
I’m scared, I’m scared old
it’s death, I’m dying here
dope mind
taking it ease the pain
main line
shallow
take it out hollow skin
don’t know why
you asked to be here
but since you brought the body
I’ll give it head
I’m scared, I’m scared old
it’s death, I’m dying here
slow ride
further
what have we here?
will I be the one who fails?
be the one removed?
standing at the wall I wail
and the wall’s a substitute
gifts and fortunes
colors form
get used to it
breathe and linger
a slow evacuee
a mirror and a chair
a timeless antidote
two is not alone
feedback is a loop
Track Name: Lessons of Misur and Muzur
descend in dark light
what was is no more
the sun will return soon
relentless on us
where to go?
home is this land
from the sea, hot winds blow
and my love has given in
but I can’t
the sands are encroaching
filling the wells
fields all turn arid
in crisis I failed
here once was the pharaoh’s garden
descend in dark light
what was is no more
where to go?...
in my palm, a stone I want to save
from my birth, Grandfather made
when I’m cold it is warm magic
it will leave the way it came here
from the crab—star cluster
west of the swan
the claws are bad magic
here once was the pharaoh’s garden
saddle the white mare
ride to the east
find your great uncle’s
and ask them for seed
where to go?...
Track Name: Seduced By Shadows
tore through weakness I shoulder
curse written on me
pattern unique and exposing
intricacy
seduction in the shadows
ferales coming in
the demon is bonding
with the host, born again
feels so good
there’s no pain
I accept it and it takes
this wasn’t what I was thinking about
laughing sounds
they are dying down
this was a mistake
desolator numinis
djinn seeks the end
the web of souls is tearing
rupturing the veil
clever is the blackbird
malice coming in
the demon’s redemption
with the host, to war again
feels so good
when you say yes
I accept it and it takes
dead eyes alive
eternal the war
forever tonight
don’t play anymore
mark is the shame
longing for soul
dead eyes alive
dead eyes are mine
Track Name: The Bitter Patriot
never been there
I don’t want your fight
cryptic call that you’ve turned
I don’t want this slinking around
I don’t want this covering ground
I don’t want “choose”
hearts and skies of brilliant blue
Colorado
know yourself you dirty mouth
hiding here insipidly
between the Mexicans and Canadians
works so wonderfully for you
Texas
kicked the fault line
that splits the plates
and now it erupts too late
the cold it creeps so far into
Minnesota
know yourself you dirty mouth
hiding here in ignorance
between the Pacific and Atlantic
from the land where I was born
Mississippi
know yourself
Track Name: Duality
God I love you help me
your poems speak to me
and you are confusing
good and bad, duality
you give it all take it away
omnipotence = stupid
God you made us foolish
tribes hemmed in by the seas
and your chosen flounder
in your name, atrocities
all this pain is contradictory
when we all just be happy?
atheism is shallow to me
we’ll find out (wait and see)
coming over to make it known
with a hand like a cornerstone
instead of over me with talons
waiting for deliverance
with eyes shut in defiance
standing over me with weapons
my coffin is a warm bed
how long have I got?
God I held a baby
as he bled out to sea
all the chosen prostrate
in your name, atrocities
I can feel you like a saddle on me
steering me, where are we going? that way?
I can feel you like a saddle on me
chomp the bit, spurs digging
my coffin is a warm bed
what then?
a chariot?
or something equally ridiculous?
Track Name: Constance, did you ever?
I’ve learned to be distant from you
a choice to be obtuse
man cannot live without control
oh to be abstract
and keep no foundation
you became a pile
in a patch of pilework
where I perch
and I had flown so far away
I break down when I think of you
in the household where we stayed
so squeaky clean and in control
oh you left the love you had
in a story you couldn’t tell
the secrets piled up
the piles were razor points that stuck
and you blamed us
I was as a child then adding pressure
and as the seams gave out
you drove in, so...
did you ever?
I would have for you
I never heard I’m sorry
I’m not here to find a “true”
you should go with what
your heart feels
I don’t want to make you stop
and now that I can see them
the piles from the boardwalk
leading out into the distance
skeleton of the old dock
I don’t want to make you stop
Track Name: Love, Death and Goddie Waddie
keep the eyes shut
feel the pain in the ego darken, blackness
keep it equal
stare, the face on the carpet grows
she don’t want him
to be so sad
“it’s like I love him
but I want him dead”
a church, a bride, a crowd of people
this is not the path
god has chosen for me
a war hero come home for medals
this is not the path
god has chosen for me
I saw the steeple
rise in the distance
rods and pistons
seem so evil
as the face on the stained glass grows
god don’t make him
be so sad
“it’s like I love him
but I want him dead”
a church to hold to house a teaching
this is not the path
god has chosen for me
wounds bleed out torture redeeming
this is not the path
god has chosen for me
Track Name: Suffering Railyard
A page from the notebook: A night at the bar. Writing and watching three people from afar.
The stories overheard and those I assumed. The strange things I brought back with me, to my hotel room.
“and it’s all come to this...”
Track Name: A Brief Song of Loss and Denial
split me in two
where are you?
where are you?
stillness
all that I do is crying
please won’t you
just think about what you said
whose side are you on?
you were close to me, connected
by heart related
watch the patterns form round
leave a better note when you fall out
prove it to me!
quit being impossible and calm down
all this bad emotion
gale force
a crooked part of me
leans towards the end
Track Name: During Take Off and Upon Landing, the Runway Behind the Aircraft is Useless
player
waiting for dinner
noticing
here to sing
LOUD
so hungry
polarized in doubt
what to say now?
keep it in check
act humble
see, I’m a stranger
and they don’t know me
hold a judgment
on hypocrisy
I’m shaking
I’m breaking
little word
got away
Autobahn
autumn day
thinking I’m
full with this
and I am
proud
come players
playing for dinner
let us see
hear you sing
LOUD
come over the ocean
come around
what to say now?
cried in Leipzig
laughed in Varese
the tears were endless
oh poor baby
from the stages
to the Panda’s seat
I’m shaking
I’m breaking
nothing’s wrong
get away
can I sit?
I don’t care
it’s the merch
right there
where I am
proud
they’re talking but I ain’t understanding
eyes averted where I sit
a touch would be divine
music it just doesn’t fit
with what they had in mind
play on. tour.
eyes averted where I sit
a touch would be assault
music it just doesn’t fit
with what they really want
prove them wrong
shut eyes sing for you
sing praise for you
let it come and do good
among the dormant dogwoods
keep it in check
act humble
see I’m a stranger
and they don’t know me
hold a judgment
oh that’s so sweet
I’m shaking
I’m breaking
and falling in love with you